You Might Be A Racist

The race for President of the United States of America will be between Sen. Barack Obama of IL and Sen. John McCain of AZ. There are some stark differences between these candidates. Plenty of sensibly logical reasons to oppose or support either of them. Sen. Obama is fresh on the scene and does lack some experience. Sen. McCain is older and more experienced but change seems to be the mantra this year so either attribute can be used for and against each candidate.

Both Senators have colorful relationships with arguably nefarious individuals. Ayers, Keating - Haggee, Wright all dubious associates of both candidates. Guilt by association should probably be left to parolees and ghosts of the McCarthy era.

However, if at this point your argument against Sen. Obama is based in a flag pin - YOU might be a racist.

-If your argument has anything to do with patriotism or lack there of, YOU might be a racist.

-If you believe Sen. Obama might be an undercover Muslim you might be an undercover idiot and a racist.

-If you think Sen. Obama is a separatist or a black supremacist in any way YOU are probably a racist.

-If you think the son of mixed parents, raised by a single mom that went to school on scholarships and student loans is too elitist to be president - YOU might be a racist.

In short there are many good reasons to not like either candidate and it is your prerogative to chose any number of them. But if you find yourself making an argument based on any of the above or anything else equally petty then you may want to do a little self examination and determine what your true motivations are

Preach White Man - Preach!

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Current Events

He's A Little Heated

'm not one to throw salt on another man's game. If you have the nads and intellect to come up with a scam that others will fall for knock yourself out. But Scientology takes it step too far.

Starting basically as a drunken bet between Ernest Hemingway and L. Ron Hubbard { i heard '-)} the scam has grown to encompass throngs of simple minded followers. These are the same people that would have followed Jim Jones, Marshall Applewhite and Rev Moon if given the chance.

Before offing himself L. Ron set out to see if he could actually create a religion, which kinda makes you wonder how other religions got started as well? In any case some "entrepreneurs" saw the potential and built it into the cash cow it is now.

You have to admit it's a pretty good scam because as long as there are people willing to imbibe the Kool-Aide, watch Fox news and WWE and thinks it's real there will be plenty of rubes to keep them going.

Race Relations - How Far We've Come

This was an SNL sketch from way back in the day. It was hilarious then but would touch off a fire storm now, have we really progressed or regressed over the years?

President Pelosi?

Has it occurred to anyone, but me, there’s something radically wrong with the way Congress is running since the Democrats took over again? Not that it was ever running smoothly but lately it seems even feebler than usual. You know you’re in trouble when Mr. Bush has a better approval rating than you do. I’m pretty sure Charles Manson has a better approval rating then Mr. Bush. It’s pretty difficult to suck worse than this administration and yet the 110^th Congress has managed to pull it off.

The main reason we have the triad governmental system (Executive, Legislative and Judicial – for those that missed civics class that week) was to ensure checks and balances, you know “Government of the people, by the people and for the people.” Sound familiar to anyone??? The Legislative branch is supposed to be the group that maintains order for all - the common sense factor, if you will. They can create laws, declare war, regulate the budget and other than the power of the purse their main weapon is subpoena power.

Like the courts themselves Congress can also summon people to appear under oath. In fact if one is found to be in contempt of Congress an arrest warrant can be issued and the Sergeant At Arms can actually arrest you. In short, Congress was given mirroring powers in relationship to the other branches of government. You don’t really want to mess with Congress if you can avoid it, or at least one would think.

Apparently the Bush administration must have pictures of last year’s holiday party or something. Maybe they dug up some interesting stuff with their warrantless wire taps or Congress is afraid of ending up at Gitmo – upside down and gasping for air? Whatever the reason, this congress refuses to investigate this administration. One truly has to wonder why that is? At the very lease you’d think they’d want to get to the bottom of why we are now stuck in the quagmire that is Iraq. Maybe take a stab at finding out why the Attorney General’s office fired all those people? How about accounting for all that money that is hemorrhaging out of Iraq?

Clearly there are a number of questions that need to be answered, but there’s something even more insidious afoot here. Arguably the main attribute of the basic politician is ambition. Oh sure, they’ll spew that “wanting to work towards the common good” dribble or “one person CAN make a difference” line but that’s just so they can get elected in the first place. I’m pretty sure it’s the egomaniacal, Napoleonic, megalomaniacal aspects of their twisted personalities that drives their desire to seek public office. Digest that for a moment before considering what I’m about to lay on you.

OK ready? Here we go. Nancy Pelosi has risen to the highest political point of any female in the history of the country. She is literally two heartbeats, or lack there of, from the presidency itself. As Speaker of the House she stands second in line to the President. Now some of you are thinking, “what about Condoleezza?” What about her – just kidding, she’s actually fourth in line behind Robert Byrd as the President Pro Tempore of the Senate (Here ends the civic lesson). Basically, should something happen to the both the President and VP the Speaker becomes the President of the United States.

Of course what could happen to both the Pres and VP simultaneously? I mean what are the chances of that? What could possibly happen to the current leaders of the Executive branch? Oh - I don’t know let’s say HIGH TREASON, PURGERY, WAR CRIMES, EMBEZZLEMENT , CRIMES AGAINST HUMINTY, OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE, INVASION OF PRIVACY, ILLEGAL PROSECUTION, UNLAWFUL DETENTION, etc. I’m sure I’ve missed something but I’m pretty sure you’re feelin’ me at this point.

At the very least there is clearly a big enough scandal to force the current administration out in disgrace. Hell Watergate was just a freakin’ burglary. Any second rate politician should have been able to exploit the situation for his/her own political gain. All Nancy Pelosi had to do was bring formal charges against Twiddle Dumb and Twiddle Dumber and she would have been the first female leader of the free world. George and Dick would have hot-footed it out of office way before articles of impeachment were ever drawn up. WHAT THE HELL is wrong with Nancy? There has to be a serious reason this obvious ascension to power was not seized.

Letter to Democratic Party Leadership

With all due respect,

“History is a relentless master. It has no present, only the past rushing into the future. To try to hold fast is to be swept aside.”
John F. Kennedy

We have a unique opportunity to not only avoid being swept aside, as in President Kennedy’s quote, but to actually become a part of history in the making. As with most opportunities an actual call to action is needed to bring it to fruition. Enclosed is an open letter to former Vice President Al Gore. The letter serves as the prerequisite call to action not only for Mr. Gore but all party officials to follow the lead of Gov. Richardson and fully back a candidate before irreparable damage is done to the Democratic Party and the country as a whole.

The current “scorched earth” campaign cannot be allowed to go on unchecked. It serves no purpose other than to divide the country and all but hand the presidency to the Republican Party. Why allow this to continue when the so called super delegates will have to decide this nomination in the end regardless of the outcome of the primaries? Letting this campaign deteriorate into a vicious racially charged quagmire for the sake of political safety is tantamount to aesthetically arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Before you now is the rare opportunity to transcend conventional political wisdom and implement pure and simple logic. Put simply, a chance to actually do the proverbial “right thing.” Instead of sitting back to see out this fleshes itself out and then making the prudent political maneuver, take the initiative and halt the flesh eating virus the current campaign is rapidly becoming. The remaining upcoming primaries will do little if anything to unravel the Gordian knot the Democratic nomination has become. In fact they may actually make the situation worse than it is now, if that is even imaginable.

Swift and definitive action must be taken immediately to decide this race. The full inimitable support of the highest profile super delegates should be thrown behind the candidate the people have clearly chosen thus far to be their choice of nominee. Waiting for the conclusion of the Pennsylvania ballot or any others for that matter will only fuel the flames that will eventually consume the party’s chances for victory and quite possibly the party itself.

Respectfully,

Damon

Letter to AL

March 12, 2008

Mr. Gore,

Let me apologize in advance for I am sure there is some sort of protocol that I’m failing to observe and I know there is a more eloquent and/or politically correct approach to this endeavor but I fear time will not permit finding it. We (as in WE the People) are in desperate need of your help. Your absence in the current Presidential race has caused a vacuum of reality and apparently common sense.

Although I truly thought you would run this year I respect your decision not to. It is clearly our loss not to have you as the Democratic nominee and inevitable President Elect. However, there may be a mixed blessing involved because I believe there is a candidate that will bring a lot of the qualities you possess to the White House, if given the opportunity.

Before I try to make the case for which candidate is best, permit me to make the presupposition that the vast majority would agree the campaign for the Democratic nominee has taken an almost assured fatal turn for the worst. One candidate’s scorched earth, “kitchen sink” approach to this campaign will only serve to elect Sen. McCain to the office of President and undoubtedly give us at least four more years of the current administration for all intents and purposes.

I freely admit I am not one of the all knowing, all seeing pundits, political devotees or extremists by any stretch of the imagination. To be brutally honest I’ve never been all that concerned about politics past its intrinsic entertainment value. What little interest I did have was thoroughly depleted by the current administration. And much to my disgrace, I’ve never actually voted or even registered to vote – until now. I registered as a Democrat and voted in the California primary for the first time, as did many others. Like those others I was inspired by Sen. Barack Obama to actually get in the game, if you will, instead of merely jeering from the peanut gallery.

Pardon the digression but for what it’s worth, I did stay up all night in 1999 to make sure you had won and I went to bed happy and secure in the thought of you as President, narrowly avoiding what I knew would be a catastrophe in the making. Man, that next morning sucked in ways I can’t even pronounce, as I’m sure you are quite aware.

To put it bluntly, what we need is someone of your stature to put an end to the divisive, win at any and ALL cost politics that will undoubtedly rip the Democratic Party apart and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory once again. It is clear the so called “Super Delegates” will decide the outcome of our primary season. If this is a forgone conclusion what purpose is served by letting an egomaniacal campaign destroy the domestic tranquility that would be brought forth by a campaign of unity and hope?

Clearly the country needs a diametric change from the policies of the current administration. Senators Clinton and McCain are running on their respective experience which quite frankly translates to politics as usual in the long run. Sen. Obama will have to find a fresh approach by simple default. His very being automatically excludes him from the “good ‘ol boys” network that has put us in the position we are in presently. Although he will have to adapt and overcome many obstacles, which is assuredly nothing new for him, he will have to do it in a way that has never been done before thus guaranteeing the change we so desperately need.

Please, for the general welfare - lead the way for the other party officials and Super Delegates to end the attack on common decency, race/gender relations, hope and unity. Throw your complete support behind the candidate you see as most fit for the job that was rightfully yours with as much alacrity as possible. Use your considerable clout and keep Napoleon’s dogs at bay.

Sincerely,

D

Hillary IS a Monster

Wow, just when you thought it was safe to have faith in the democratic process or the human condition in general Hillary and her team drags us back down into the primordial ooze. I think Sen. Obama’s campaign person got it right – Hillary is a monster. She’s like one of those teenage slasher or 50’s “B” movie monster that just won’t die when there supposed to.

If you had any doubts or questions about the differences between the Presidential candidates it should be painfully obvious to you now Sen. Clinton and for the most part Sen. McCain are “politics as usual.” If change is really what everyone wants Barack Obama is our man.

Hillary as clearly shown what she’s like when the heat is on. If she’s not crying she’s trying to create a race war, all in an effort to be President. If you listen to her speeches she always says “I” as in I will fight for you and “I” will get things done “I”, “I”, “I”. Where as both the other candidates more often than not use “we”. “We” can get it done together. “We’ll” take back Washington. The true irony here is her win at all cost, “kitchen sink” strategy will all but hand the Presidency to John McCain. Without a doubt, in her mind any – it’s all about her.

I’d truly like to know what her plan is. Does she actually think she can all but call Sen. Obama a lazy nigger and hope everyone has forgotten or forgiven just in time for the general election? NEWS FLASH - we would rather see four more years of Bush before we win on a racist platform of any kind. Hillary has resorted to the Karl Rove divide and concur, say anything, (50 +1%) strategy of politics. This is particularly effective given that people are basically stupid as a whole. The problem with it however, is that it discounts the saving grace of people being only SO stupid. Unfortunately for Hill, and the Republicans in general their boy George used up all the stupid and then some over the last eight years.

Funny - no one on Hillary’s team was so concerned about the Florida or Michigan delegates when she was the presumptive favorite to win the nomination. The “he’s not ready to be Prez but he could be my VP” so you can have both if you vote for me okay doke is targeted to those lesser educated, not so quick individuals that seem to make up Hillary’s base. Having her surrogates run around saying her opponent wouldn’t be where he is today if he was white or female is just more of the same as well as being patently ridiculous. I’m sure it’s not easy being a woman in a right handed white man’s world but try being a left handed black named Barack.

If everything here to fore isn’t enough to make you reject Hillary consider this, why do the Republicans want to face her in the general election so much? I’m guessing it’s because they’ve spent the last two years plus tooling up for this fight, falling into the same presumptive trap Hillary herself fell into, and now posses nuclear bombs they will drop on her hard, fast and continuously. They weren’t expecting a nuke proof, stealth candidate to suddenly appear and save the day.

If Barack is their opponent they’re completely screwed. Hillary will have already thrown the “kitchen sink” at him, using their best tricks to no avail, where will they go from there? Pointing out he’s black won’t work any better for them. They probably don’t want to emphasize his youth considering their man is so old his social security number is carved in hieroglyphics on a piece of stone. Barack has never supported the war and never said he didn’t know much about economics so what’s left to attack him with?

Hillary, on behalf of the Democratic Party, black and all other minorities, women that will seek the Presidency in the future and the people of the United States of America in general – PLEASE step aside and get with the program of real change with the next President of the US, Barack Obama.

Time Travelers

Ever wonder if time travel was possible? Well wonder no longer because it is and you’ve probably done it yourself a time or two. WARNING – this one requires some jr. high school math (middle school for those born in the 70’s or later, high school for those that were a little slow) and a tiny bit of imagination.

Now you have to accept a few things up front to grasp this thoroughly. First, time is a man made concept. The same applies to math while we’re at it. Also, we’re going to take a few liberties with physics and reality but we won’t get too far beyond the realm of sanity, I promise.

OK, let’s take a trip down memory lane real quick. Remember this (d = r X t) or the “dirt” theorem? (d) Distance equals ( r) Rate of speed multiplied by (t) Time. So let’s say it takes you two hours to travel 100 miles, using the formula we know you were going 50 (mph) miles per hour (100 = 2 X 50). Basic algebra lets us work the formula for the other variables just as easily (d / r = t and d / t = r) so as long as we know as least two of the variables we can find the remaining one. OK, that ends the math lesson – still with me or do you need a minute for the smoke pouring out of your ears to clear?

Suppose you had the kind commute and you lived approximately 30 miles from your place of business. If you averaged 30 mph on your daily drive we know it would take you an hour to get to work every day, day in and day out, one day after another for years and years. We can go through the math again here but if you haven’t gotten by now - not feeling good about your chances of ever getting it. Just take my word for it at this point.

SO – somewhere along the line one day you’re going to get up a little late. The alarm clock doesn’t go off, massive hang over, the significant other is looking particularly hot this AM – whatever the reason, you’re late for work. You jump out of bed, race through your morning routine and scramble to the car. Just like everyone else in this predicament you fly down the street putting your seatbelt on halfway down the street standing on the accelerator. For some reason only known to you safety and traffic laws are trumped by your need to get to work on time.

Averaging a speed of 45 mph you magically get to work in only 40 minutes where it usually takes you a full hour. Yes, there was more math in there somewhere but I thought I would save you the grief at this point. Realizing you don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn anymore you adjust your alarm clock accordingly to give yourself a few extra minutes of sleep (yea U).

Uh oh, there’s that pesky snooze button again, guess who’s late for work? Kickin’ in the emergency procedures as usual you zoom to work at 60 miles an hour this time getting there in only 30 minutes. You’ve gotten to work in half the time it took you originally by going twice as fast to get there, presupposing you aren’t on the side of the road explaining it to Barney Fife, life is good.

OK, now you’re just being flat out lazy – late again, you suck. Putting the public at risk once again you scream down the thoroughfare at a blistering 90 mph getting to work in just about 20 minutes. Providing you haven’t wrapped yourself around a telephone pole in the process you’ve made it on time once again.

I’m going out on a limb here and assume a good number of us have followed one or more of these scenarios in some fashion at one time or another. Up until now this has been completely feasible. We’ve all given it a little gas to get where we wanted to go a little quicker, hell it’s only illegal if you get caught right? Now let’s get crazy with it.

At 120 mph you could get to work in only 15 minutes, one quarter of the time it took you originally. Good luck explaining that one to your insurance company by the way. Of course you must have a really good job to be able to afford a car that goes 120 mph so maybe money ain’t a thang in your case, but then why are you beating to work like an idiot everyday? Stay with me, that won’t be the last paradox we run into before all is said and done.

The astute have figured out by now every time you double your speed you cut your travel time in half. So at 240 mph, in your Murcielago (a really cool car, Lamborghini that you cannot afford) you streak past the local constabulary and arrive in 7.5 minutes. And at 480 mph you get there in 3 minutes and 15 seconds, defying the laws of physics and common sense along the way. Well, actually the world land speed record is 763.035 MPH - Mach 1.0175 set by Andy Green and Richard Noble, so we’re still in the realm of reality - as long as the Bonneville Salt Flats are the route you take to work. In case you’re wondering that speed would get you to work in a little over 6 seconds (see how I drop a little trivial knowledge on you when you’re not lookin’).

Here it is in a nutshell, given increased speed decreases time spent traveling a fixed distance we can logically conclude there is a speed that will get us where we need to go in no time flat. No, I mean literally no elapsed time between the time you leave and the time you arrive. Let’s call that speed X. We know 30mph got us to work in an hour and 60 cut that time in half so there’s no doubt that increasing our speed lowers our time in transit. There has to be a speed that gets us there in 0 time, we’ve dubbed this speed X mph. So what happens when you go X + 1?

If X mph gets you there in zero time flat, X + 1 must get you there in some time less than zero. How exactly does that work, do you get there before you leave? And if so, do you pass yourself along the way? Can you be two places at once or do you ever catch up to the original you? Remember that paradox I promised you, well there you go.

I’m pretty sure my arithmetic was sound but if I made an error along the way I humbly apologize. The mathematical and physics concepts themselves are solid. Chew on that for a while and if you come up with some answers, by all means, please let me know.

Conservative Police State - Sieg Heil (Seek Help)

OK, I know sieg heil is actually German for “hail victory” but the hip already smell what I’m about to stir-fry here.

Ever notice those calling themselves staunch conservatives are usually just try to tell you what you can do with your genitals or modify your behavior in some way? What’s with that, don’t they have genitals of their own to play with? Apparently they spend a lot time worrying about you letting “the wrong sort” play with yours or what medical procedures you may have done to or through them. They also seem real concerned about aliens, sedition and what particular flavor of religious kool-aide you consume or perhaps consumes you, depending on your point of view.

In all fairness, the lunacy of a few reflects poorly on the sanity of the masses. The conservative body politic is by and large made up of rational individuals. Believing in a smaller - fiscally responsible government, lower tax burdens, a strong national defense and above all the Constitution the average right winger isn’t all that bad. Their ideology, taken in moderation and mixed with a little compassion - actual compassion, not just the campaign slogan the last administration slapped on a bumper sticker, is sound and accepted by many moderates on the left and right of the ubiquitous political aisle.

Unfortunately, the conservative movement has been commandeered by jack booted, brown shirt right wing nuts. As with any organization of this magnitude the fringe elements can wreak havoc. Much like what al Qaeda has done for Islam and Jerry Farwell and his Moral Majority did for Christianity, the wing nuts make it all but impossible for any but the truly delusional to subscribe to their madness. Although Jerry is hopefully facing the monocle wearing black hat of judgment in the after life as we speak, the Evangelical fringe that previously hung on his every breath continues the tradition of judging thy neighbor.

Disenfranchised people make easy targets for the nefarious and unscrupulous. David Koresh (Branch Davidians), Marshall Applewhite (Heavens Gate) and Jim Jones (People's Temple) can easily testify to this simple fact. Or at least they could if they didn’t get wrapped up in their own scams and off themselves along with the vast majority of their unfortunate followers. Although those are extreme cases the basic principal is the same for those that followed Jerry Farwell, Jim & Tammy Faye Baker, Jimmy Swaggart and Ted Haggard who all found it impossible to live up to their own lofty standards and were publicly disgraced in some manor. The whole “do as I say, while I get my freak on” thing wasn’t working for everyone it seems.

Where did the wheels come off and why didn’t it stop the crazy train? See this is what happens when you don’t learn from history. The last society that was so intolerant, that monitored its citizens and deprived them of basic rights, that unjustly imprisoned and tortured them and led them into an unwarranted act of aggression we called the Third Reich. Are we really actually witnessing the inception of the Forth Reich? Is Karl Rove channeling Adolph Hitler in some nouveau fascist fashion? What happened to “never again”?

I don’t particularly grasp all aspects of homosexuality and I can’t say I approve of the life style. Fortunately for them my approval isn’t necessary for their continued existence. I’m not much for gay marriage either. Subsequently, I personally will never marry a gay man. However, I will happily attend the gay ceremony of a friend, if invited. IF by some extreme unforeseen twist of fate I do end up married to a gay man you best believe neither of us will be having any abortions anytime too soon. Of course that’s a personal choice, as well as a biological one – what you choose to do with your own uterus is completely up to you. Moreover, what does any of this have to do with the ability to shoot straight? I mean literally shoot straight. If we’re side by side in a trench or back to front in a fighter jet I’m not going to be real concerned with your orientation (male/female or undecided) at that particular moment in time.

When all is said and done I say anything any willing and able individuals consent to do amongst themselves in privacy is all good and in no need of legislation or judgment of any kind.

Meaningless Sex

In case you haven’t been keeping up with current events a quick update, men and women are different. We differ in many ways, one of the biggest being for the most part men have the ability to have meaningless sex. For the purposes of this particular rant, meaningless sex refers to the ability to not get overwhelmingly emotionally involved with the person you’re bumpin’ uglies with.

There may actually be a method to this madness – IF you subscribe to the theory of evolution and those pesky hardwired hold over instincts. Back in the day men were the hunter gatherers. Running around killing things and bringing them back to the cave area where the nurturing women folk eagerly awaited their men while dutifully holding down the fort. While woman were caring for the youngins and their respective corner of the cave the men were out spreading the love where ever they could find a warm place to let it fly.

Fast forward to present day civilization, evolution is still running its course and men and women are equals in the hunting/homemaking arenas, all things considered. But men still have that “spread it around” gene alive and kickin’ driving significant others crazier by the minute. Now this is not to say men are incapable of fidelity or true love. The real problem here is your definition of “fidelity &/or true love.” Men can be accused of being half as smart as they need to be a lot of the time. By the same token women can tend to be too smart by half at times as well. Put simply, where men will under think a given situation women will over think the very same situation.

The basic man can love an individual with all his heart, knock it out with the drunken stripper(s) in the parking on his way home to his loved one and not skip a single beat. His heart, mind and sole completely in tact with no disrespect or malfeasance intended in any way shape or form. And there are absolutely no words in the known universe that will ever explain this phenomenon to the person getting skeezed on. On the flip side, women (in general) can meet someone in the parking lot, hang out for a bit, go home – knock it out and fall quaffed head over spiked heels in love before they’ve gotten their new sole mate’s last name. The recipient of this unexpected post coitus affection will be just as bewildered as the partner that got skeezed on in the previous scenario.

Someone really needs to ask the grand creator what the original plan was. Why design a being that can walk into any bar with a little confidence and hook up with just about anyone she chooses but not be able to handle all the emotions attached to this action? Then just for laughs let’s make a being that can probably hook up with someone in the same bar but pretty much forget he’s done it a day later. This would seem to be a recipe for failure.

In a futile effort to level the playing field in some manor I’ll let those that are interested in on a few secrets. Now I’m most certainly risking my membership in the “MAN CLUB” for this so listen up and take notes if you have to.

First of all, ladies men don’t actually want to dance. We don’t particularly care if you’re thirsty – no matter how many drinks we buy you and although possibly attracted to your eyes eventually, it wasn’t what we noticed ( .Y .) from across the room that brought us over to say hi initially. Unfortunately we can’t just say “hey great dress, let’s go somewhere we can take it off” so there’s the obligatory small talk and courtship rituals that take place until we actually do get some place we can get naked.

Secondly, should you find a suitable place to get your mattress mambo on know this - guys are usually more interested in stroking our own egos then the strings of your heart, at least in the beginning. Don’t mistake skill, effort or prowess for emotion, affection or undying life long commitment. Some of us are just trying to get the “job done.” Others are trying to get the job done well maybe even repeatedly, while there are those just trying find a place to hang their hats for a while or few minutes, unfortunately. Again the grand creator thought it would be funny to give us diametrically opposed feelings upon completion of the sexual act. Assuming all has gone well for both parties one person is thinking how great that was and wondering what your children will look like, while the other is thinking “wow that was great, where’s my other sock and how fast can I get out of here without causing a seen?”

Lastly, understand we men are not completely heartless jerks – all the time. We have the ability to fall hopelessly in love as well, it just takes a moment to get us warmed up. It’s sort of like the romance and sexual response cycles are flipped for men and women. What you don’t want to do is force the issue. It will happen if you let it as opposed to trying to make it happen. Calling excessively or camping out in front of our homes is probably not the way to go. Nor is tattooing our first name on a body part before you’re sure you know what our last name might be. These are signs you may be slightly psychotic and a definite turn off. Patients is the key, it’s when guys start to think “how cool is she” that the whole romantic process starts to kick in. Just try and stay out of the way until that happens and it will be all good in the end.

Reverse Discrimination

Can someone please explain this one to me? What the hell is reverse discrimination? I know some genius out there is thinking “what doesn’t he get – it’s discrimination against white people”. Take a moment and think that one through for a bit slick (I’ll wait…). Ok, if you still don’t see it then there’s a very good chance you are part of the problem.

Discrimination is just that discrimination (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/discrimination) to think there’s a special discrimination for a certain group of people is discriminatory in itself. Why would there be a special form of discrimination just for whites? Isn’t the standard form of servitude good enough for those that primarily invented the ideology? Maybe it’s not as much fun from the other end of the whip so they came up with another name for it so they could be victimized more comfortably.

Understandably everyone has preferences and no one should be forced too far out of their comfort zones but where we all have to live together – pretty much every where outside of our individual homes, we have to have some decorum. We need to go along to get along, if you will. Go home and talk about me like a dog if you want. Call me any name your angry little mind can come up with. Plot my demise and the demise of all those that looks like me. Hate the fact your wife is thinking about us while you’re trying to do your thing but when we’re together in public, at work or where ever, grin and deal wit’ it . You can go home and take out your frustrations on your family later if it helps you sleep at night.

Bye Bye Mitt

Looks like Mitt (Willard Milton Romney) can't stand the heat so he's getting out of the kitchen - more like he can't stand defeat. For all the money he dumped in his bid to become the next prez he didn't get much bang for his buck. Not a very good investment for someone that touts himself as a great businessman. I wouldn't feel too sorry for him, he may have spent $50 million or so but he still has a couple hundred mill left over. I'm sure none of his wives will have to work any time too soon - just kidding. I'm sure Mitt's a one woman man unless the political winds change. You'd find Mitt sporting leather chaps and pierced nipples if he thought it would get him elected.

Mitt's biggest problem was timing, or lack there of. He subscribed to the basic political edict and Republican dogma that people are stupid. They are right of course, but you can only count on that so much and for so long because people are only so stupid. It's like a pendulum, it can only swing so far before someone says "hey, wait a sec" and starts to catch on. Unfortunately for Mitt Mr. Bush used up all the stupid for generations to come. People aren't going to fall for the ol' banana in the tail pipe trick again for quite a while. Mitt will just have to lay low for a minute and try again when peeps aren't so hip.

C-ya Mitt, it was fun until the wheels came off...

Valentine's Day

Another Valentine’s Day approaches, much to the dismay of the affectionately disabled significant others everywhere. Honestly, who thought this was a good idea? The one day of the year guaranteed to cause unilateral grief for those unfortunate soles that have not mastered the art of mind reading.

One might think V-Day is just another “Hallmark holiday” and arguably, a good case could be made to support this. In actuality it has religious beginnings – of course. Chalk up another grand contribution from organized religion to society. Valentine’s Day is named after two martyred Christians (Valentines of Rome and Terni) from the Middle Ages. There were a bunch of martyred Christians around that period but some how these two stuck out from the crowd – yea them! Up until the late 60’s the Catholic Church actually recognized nine other V-days but thankfully no one else saw the need to follow along. So we settled on the traditional Feb 14^th date to celebrate.

Originally the day(s) was simply to express affection for another that may not have known they were admired - kinda like a huge singles meet and greet, possibly the precursor to internet dating. People just slipped each other small hand written notes to let their potential paramours in on their intentions. Of course some idiot had to mess it up for everyone and add flowers. Chocolates got thrown in around to l800’s then Hallmark got a hold of things and the mass marketing began. Just try and get away with a note and some hand picked flowers now buddy.

Now-a-days the smitten have to take out a small loan, second mortgage &/or a kidney to satisfy their significant others. The flowers alone will set you back a pretty penny, more like a pretty C-note ($100 bill). Then there’s dinner, including the perfect wine or whine depending on how things are going, chocolates, the obligatory precious medal &/or stone - again depending on how much grief you’re really willing to endure. When all is said and done a successful day will leave our lovers buzzed, bloated and broke but happy nonetheless.

Happy Valentine’s Day to the lucky recipients and good luck to the rest.

Oh Happy Day

What a wonderful day! The birds are singing, the sun is shining and somewhere Tom Brady and Pats are depressed enough to be on suicide watch.

The Raider Nation - still not feeling the infamous "Tuck Rule" game, the '72 Dolphins and everyone else sick of hearing about the "perfect season" rejoiced collectively as the Patriots pursuit of perfection ended in resounding failure. And it couldn't have happened to a more deserving bunch of guys.

The NY Giants put their foot in the Patriots ass and marched into history. Now I'm no Giant fan usually and I have to join the phalanx of haters that owe Eli Manning an apology but the Pats could have been playing the Klan and I would be just as happy with the results.

Up until about three weeks left in the regular season I, like most still thought Eli was a punk. His dad Archie set him up for failure with that stunt out of college not letting him play for the Chargers. Seems ol' Arch may have been on to something there after all. Not sure how he did it but Eli found a case of whoop-ass somewhere along the way this season and started spilling it all over is opponents. He and the Giants defensive front line, that spent the day planting Brady in the turf like sack of fertilizer, ruined the Kraft families (owners of the Pats) day. More importantly they saved us all from years of insufferable malaise over the perfect season.

ALL HAIL Eli and the Giants! Thanks again for saving us from the horror that would have been another Patriots win.

The Emperor Is Naked

I’m relatively sure I’m not alone in this one – then again there has to some explanation for the current state of the political spectrum. Maybe I am the only one that sees the emperor is buck naked? In any case, no matter what side of the aisle you sit on, whether you bleed blue, red or some shade of purple you have to realize your political leader(s) are LYING. Not the cordial "no honey that dress doesn't make you look fat" life savor lie - I mean flat out, bald faced – through their capped teeth, couldn’t melt ice in their respective mouths lying.

You can tell a politician is lying whenever you see their lips moving in any way (yes I know, old joke but never has a truer word been spoken in jest). Simple logic and basic listening skills will usually bring the lack of versimility to light. Think about it – nearly everything they say is in diametric opposition to what their opponents are saying. Moreover, some of what they say is in polar opposition to something they’ve said previously. Basically they go as the winds blow, for all intents and purposes.

To be fair it’s not completely their fault. WE the people, tend to reward bad behavior. The candidate that tells the truth - taxes need to be raised to promote the general welfare doesn’t get elected. No, the clown that gets up there and says “read my lips” no new taxes and then raises the existing ones slides ride in nice and easy. The truly skilled say as close to nothing as possible. The theory there being WE the people are basically stupid and will fill in the blanks with what we want to hear. This is most likely an adaptation to the information (YouTube) age, if you will. In addition, saying nothing or close to it makes it harder to pin you down to any particular position so if the political winds change you’re still good to go.

The big picture here is if we really want change WE the peeps need to do something about it. Clearly if you went to buy a car or a home and asked specific questions of your salesperson and got vague, general, nondescript answers you would hopefully go else where with your patronage. Or if your salesperson gave you an answer that sounded reasonable and then gave a different answer to the same question to another potential buyer you might be a little hesitant to pull the trigger on that particular deal. Just apply that same rationale to your political choices.

A great change is needed and coincidentally, now is the greatest time to make that change. Never before has there been an opportunity like this one. History is literally being made as we speak. No matter who wins the Presidential election at this point it will be unprecedented. An African American, a female, a Mormon or a near octogenarian will be the next president. Look at this list of individuals and decide which represents the greatest possible change. Which is the biggest departure from the status quo? Make your decisions using whatever criteria that suits you best but make a decision and be an actual part of history in the making. Let the Emperor know we can see the goods and apparently it's a little chilly today.

Parenthood

I’m still a little new to this whole parent thing so I’m still amazed by some of the stuff kids can come up with. Now assuming it’s just not MY kid that has these abilities or disabilities as it were, perhaps someone could help me grasp some of the finer points of parenting.

Now I get you have to feed them from time to time and there’s that whole diaper changing thing too. I’ve found they tend to get a little cranky if you neglect either one of those activities. Not entirely sure if the “nap” is for their benefit or ours just yet? Let’s just call that one a quintessential arrangement for the overall greater good. Here’s a partial list of perplexities that keep things interesting, to say the least;

• Why is it better for them when everything is on the floor, for starters? Also, is it just me or was it a whole lot easier to keep an eye on them before they discover mobility?

• How exactly is it you can fill a room with the safest most educational plush toys in the known universe and one razor blade that fell behind the couch at a party in 1983 and Jr will not only locate said party favor but bring it to the opposing parent or caregiver the second you blink? Thus proving beyond the shadow of any doubt you suck as a parent.

• Why do diapers need changing either the moment you need to go somewhere or the second after you’ve arrived any place but home of course?

• How come before you become a parent you can leave your house and be en route in one shot in five minutes or less pretty much anytime of the day or night but after becoming a parent it takes half an hour to just get the key in the ignition? Not counting the twenty minutes it took to find your keys in the first place.

• At exactly what point do you know who Sponge Bob, Dora the Explorer and the Backyardigans are AND who they all hang with? By the way where the hell did baby Goofy come from?

• Try as you may to get Jr to say “grandpa/grandma” on command, how is it they’ll recite, with perfect diction, every “bad” word they’ve ever heard once in their little lives at will and without provocation?

• Why is it you can be having a stroke, chocking on a bone with your hair on fire flailing around trying to scream for help and Jr will ignore you? But, if you touch a phone in any way Jr will stop whatever s/he is doing at the time, including being dead asleep, and stick you like you’re a life preserver from the Titanic?

These are just a few of the myriad of parenting questions that race through my mind on a continuous basis any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Religious Belief

I've often wondered what it was about people that requires a belief in some higher power. Back in the day when cave dude peaked from behind the rocks and saw the strange glowing yellow orb looming over head bringing warmth and light I can see where there was some confusion. Guessing warmth and light were most likely a welcomed thing coming out of an ice-age worshiping the sun was understandable.

By the same token, eating was probably pretty high on everyones activity lists. Keeping whatever mystical power that provided the crops happy by any means necessary was definitely a good idea. And of course procreation is always en vogue so you'd want to ensure that god's needs were taken care of as well. But as Man (as a species) slowly figured out what actually caused certain events the need for divine intervention diminished. Basically the smarter we got the fewer gods we needed until we were left with a single sort of catch all deity.

Now which particular flavor of religious Kool-Aide you ingest is completely subjective and coincidentally, protected by the 1st amendment of the constitution. Religious freedom is pretty much the reason for starting the "colonies" in the first place. Which is ironic because the Church of England pretty much exists because Henry VIII couldn't hang with what his religious leaders were trying to tell him at the time - but I digress.

The big question here is, although I understand the need for a belief in something intangible no matter what it's based on I don't get why it's necessary to believe in the same thing(s)? That is to say I get why you believe in what you do but why is it necessary for everyone else to believe in it as well? How did something that is by its very nature benevolent become the source of most of the intolerance and upheaval in the world?

The Big Picture

I often wonder what people are thinking. Not just when they cut across four lanes of traffic or rob the donut shop next door to a police station but pretty much in general. Of course this presupposes people are thinking at all - case in point the Bush administration.

In an effort to find out what is going on out there I've set up this blog, dragging myself into the 21st century along with all those that made it here long before me. If all goes to plan I'll learn a lot in the process and maybe, just maybe impart a little something as well.

Above all else I really just want people to think. Look at something from a different point of view if only for a brief moment in time. Question authority and the conventional wisdom. Challenge the provincial dogma and take a short stroll in the other guys shoes for a change.