Parenthood

I’m still a little new to this whole parent thing so I’m still amazed by some of the stuff kids can come up with. Now assuming it’s just not MY kid that has these abilities or disabilities as it were, perhaps someone could help me grasp some of the finer points of parenting.

Now I get you have to feed them from time to time and there’s that whole diaper changing thing too. I’ve found they tend to get a little cranky if you neglect either one of those activities. Not entirely sure if the “nap” is for their benefit or ours just yet? Let’s just call that one a quintessential arrangement for the overall greater good. Here’s a partial list of perplexities that keep things interesting, to say the least;

• Why is it better for them when everything is on the floor, for starters? Also, is it just me or was it a whole lot easier to keep an eye on them before they discover mobility?

• How exactly is it you can fill a room with the safest most educational plush toys in the known universe and one razor blade that fell behind the couch at a party in 1983 and Jr will not only locate said party favor but bring it to the opposing parent or caregiver the second you blink? Thus proving beyond the shadow of any doubt you suck as a parent.

• Why do diapers need changing either the moment you need to go somewhere or the second after you’ve arrived any place but home of course?

• How come before you become a parent you can leave your house and be en route in one shot in five minutes or less pretty much anytime of the day or night but after becoming a parent it takes half an hour to just get the key in the ignition? Not counting the twenty minutes it took to find your keys in the first place.

• At exactly what point do you know who Sponge Bob, Dora the Explorer and the Backyardigans are AND who they all hang with? By the way where the hell did baby Goofy come from?

• Try as you may to get Jr to say “grandpa/grandma” on command, how is it they’ll recite, with perfect diction, every “bad” word they’ve ever heard once in their little lives at will and without provocation?

• Why is it you can be having a stroke, chocking on a bone with your hair on fire flailing around trying to scream for help and Jr will ignore you? But, if you touch a phone in any way Jr will stop whatever s/he is doing at the time, including being dead asleep, and stick you like you’re a life preserver from the Titanic?

These are just a few of the myriad of parenting questions that race through my mind on a continuous basis any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Religious Belief

I've often wondered what it was about people that requires a belief in some higher power. Back in the day when cave dude peaked from behind the rocks and saw the strange glowing yellow orb looming over head bringing warmth and light I can see where there was some confusion. Guessing warmth and light were most likely a welcomed thing coming out of an ice-age worshiping the sun was understandable.

By the same token, eating was probably pretty high on everyones activity lists. Keeping whatever mystical power that provided the crops happy by any means necessary was definitely a good idea. And of course procreation is always en vogue so you'd want to ensure that god's needs were taken care of as well. But as Man (as a species) slowly figured out what actually caused certain events the need for divine intervention diminished. Basically the smarter we got the fewer gods we needed until we were left with a single sort of catch all deity.

Now which particular flavor of religious Kool-Aide you ingest is completely subjective and coincidentally, protected by the 1st amendment of the constitution. Religious freedom is pretty much the reason for starting the "colonies" in the first place. Which is ironic because the Church of England pretty much exists because Henry VIII couldn't hang with what his religious leaders were trying to tell him at the time - but I digress.

The big question here is, although I understand the need for a belief in something intangible no matter what it's based on I don't get why it's necessary to believe in the same thing(s)? That is to say I get why you believe in what you do but why is it necessary for everyone else to believe in it as well? How did something that is by its very nature benevolent become the source of most of the intolerance and upheaval in the world?

The Big Picture

I often wonder what people are thinking. Not just when they cut across four lanes of traffic or rob the donut shop next door to a police station but pretty much in general. Of course this presupposes people are thinking at all - case in point the Bush administration.

In an effort to find out what is going on out there I've set up this blog, dragging myself into the 21st century along with all those that made it here long before me. If all goes to plan I'll learn a lot in the process and maybe, just maybe impart a little something as well.

Above all else I really just want people to think. Look at something from a different point of view if only for a brief moment in time. Question authority and the conventional wisdom. Challenge the provincial dogma and take a short stroll in the other guys shoes for a change.