Meaningless Sex

In case you haven’t been keeping up with current events a quick update, men and women are different. We differ in many ways, one of the biggest being for the most part men have the ability to have meaningless sex. For the purposes of this particular rant, meaningless sex refers to the ability to not get overwhelmingly emotionally involved with the person you’re bumpin’ uglies with.

There may actually be a method to this madness – IF you subscribe to the theory of evolution and those pesky hardwired hold over instincts. Back in the day men were the hunter gatherers. Running around killing things and bringing them back to the cave area where the nurturing women folk eagerly awaited their men while dutifully holding down the fort. While woman were caring for the youngins and their respective corner of the cave the men were out spreading the love where ever they could find a warm place to let it fly.

Fast forward to present day civilization, evolution is still running its course and men and women are equals in the hunting/homemaking arenas, all things considered. But men still have that “spread it around” gene alive and kickin’ driving significant others crazier by the minute. Now this is not to say men are incapable of fidelity or true love. The real problem here is your definition of “fidelity &/or true love.” Men can be accused of being half as smart as they need to be a lot of the time. By the same token women can tend to be too smart by half at times as well. Put simply, where men will under think a given situation women will over think the very same situation.

The basic man can love an individual with all his heart, knock it out with the drunken stripper(s) in the parking on his way home to his loved one and not skip a single beat. His heart, mind and sole completely in tact with no disrespect or malfeasance intended in any way shape or form. And there are absolutely no words in the known universe that will ever explain this phenomenon to the person getting skeezed on. On the flip side, women (in general) can meet someone in the parking lot, hang out for a bit, go home – knock it out and fall quaffed head over spiked heels in love before they’ve gotten their new sole mate’s last name. The recipient of this unexpected post coitus affection will be just as bewildered as the partner that got skeezed on in the previous scenario.

Someone really needs to ask the grand creator what the original plan was. Why design a being that can walk into any bar with a little confidence and hook up with just about anyone she chooses but not be able to handle all the emotions attached to this action? Then just for laughs let’s make a being that can probably hook up with someone in the same bar but pretty much forget he’s done it a day later. This would seem to be a recipe for failure.

In a futile effort to level the playing field in some manor I’ll let those that are interested in on a few secrets. Now I’m most certainly risking my membership in the “MAN CLUB” for this so listen up and take notes if you have to.

First of all, ladies men don’t actually want to dance. We don’t particularly care if you’re thirsty – no matter how many drinks we buy you and although possibly attracted to your eyes eventually, it wasn’t what we noticed ( .Y .) from across the room that brought us over to say hi initially. Unfortunately we can’t just say “hey great dress, let’s go somewhere we can take it off” so there’s the obligatory small talk and courtship rituals that take place until we actually do get some place we can get naked.

Secondly, should you find a suitable place to get your mattress mambo on know this - guys are usually more interested in stroking our own egos then the strings of your heart, at least in the beginning. Don’t mistake skill, effort or prowess for emotion, affection or undying life long commitment. Some of us are just trying to get the “job done.” Others are trying to get the job done well maybe even repeatedly, while there are those just trying find a place to hang their hats for a while or few minutes, unfortunately. Again the grand creator thought it would be funny to give us diametrically opposed feelings upon completion of the sexual act. Assuming all has gone well for both parties one person is thinking how great that was and wondering what your children will look like, while the other is thinking “wow that was great, where’s my other sock and how fast can I get out of here without causing a seen?”

Lastly, understand we men are not completely heartless jerks – all the time. We have the ability to fall hopelessly in love as well, it just takes a moment to get us warmed up. It’s sort of like the romance and sexual response cycles are flipped for men and women. What you don’t want to do is force the issue. It will happen if you let it as opposed to trying to make it happen. Calling excessively or camping out in front of our homes is probably not the way to go. Nor is tattooing our first name on a body part before you’re sure you know what our last name might be. These are signs you may be slightly psychotic and a definite turn off. Patients is the key, it’s when guys start to think “how cool is she” that the whole romantic process starts to kick in. Just try and stay out of the way until that happens and it will be all good in the end.